A chair. You are a thing that people sit on, in...

What do you mean sit on, in?

You know… you know how people sometimes need to rest their legs or, sit down for dinner or talk or something… you know.

How?

They… it's hard to say in words, it's an action. They bend their legs, arch their back back, & kind of collapse into you, with a sigh if they are older.

What do you mean they collapse into me?

Well, you're a thing that has a trunk for a person to place their trunk. By the way—you have quite a big trunk, round-bottomed-flask-trunk shaped, to fit all sizes of trunk.

Trunk?

Sorry. Ass, arse, the fleshy place where people sit & stuff. You are not a toilet. You are not a car. You are for sitting on, in. That's all.

Okay… What do I look like?

Well, in this image your trunk (let's stick with trunk even though it's the wrong word) is white plastic. You are deep-seated. You look high-end, one notch above IKEA. Considering the context, that's expected. You have legs that look & taper like fingers. Nice pins! you might say. Probably Allen Key construction. We covered the round bottomed flask "trunk" aspect. Underneath the trunk is the scaffold; black & spindly from this angle, like a drawn star. You know when you draw a star & don't lift the pencil to reveal its construction in one continuous movement. Like a Star of David.

No?

Forget it. The scaffold is attached to the legs & the trunk like a spider crawling out of one's arse. Sorry about the metaphor. It's a nice design. You should have 4 legs though.

Why?

Because these things people sit on usually have 4 legs, unless they are super fancy. 3 legs just invite accidents. The person sitting is just going to topple over. It's physics.

So why do I have 3 legs if I'm not fancy.

Well, it's the angle of the image. You probably, more than likely, have 4 legs, if you are real.

What?

This is complicated. You are an image on a website. This image of you, if indeed you are indeed a thing in the world & not just a digitally constructed image of the thing we are talking about, is repeated from the same straight & square position, so all you see is 3 legs, over & over again. This is called efficiency or laziness.

What? I'm not real!?

No one is saying that definitively. You might be real. This French guy Baudrillard has a term for what you are, but if you cannot grasp yourself the way you are, you are not going to grasp something metaphysical, which you might be… depending on where you are sitting.

So what's my purpose if my trunk is not being activated?

You are kind of like a measuring stick for the artworks which, by the way, are not real either. In a sense you are more real as an image than the artworks are as an image. Your job is to make the pretend experience more real by your presence which intimates a viewer, a sitter, a scale, an anchor so the artwork doesn't float away.

Oh… so I'm a mere imagistic prop for a new everyday reality that is pretend. Got it. Thanks■